Grief..

These past few weeks have been tough. I was not sure how or what I should write but I thought of the blog tonight and so I thought I would try to share something. I had planned to go on a overnight ladies retreat April 12th. I had asked for the day off months ago, and I couldn't wait to go away for the night. I will always remember how I was awake way to early on a day off and at 6:19 AM my phone rang. In hindsight I don't know why I did not think anything could be wrong but that thought did not even cross my mind. It was in that short phone call with my aunt, that I learned that my dear, sweet, Granny had gone to sleep and woken up with Jesus. My dear aunt and I wept together and then I had to call my parents to let them know. No one I am sure, wants to deliver this kind of news but I am thankful that I could call my Dad and he could tell my mom in person. I got in touch with my sister and brothers and again it was sad news to share. In those small moments in life I may have wondered what I would do when a grandparent passed away. I did go on the retreat thinking that Granny would want me to go, and I kept it together till that evening. I bawled as I ate my supper and my friends comforted me. We returned home the next day, and Sunday afternoon we had the visitation. I glanced at granny but could not linger. At the very end of our visitation I grabbed my aunt and we went to the front. I did not even make it there and I felt my heart literally split in two. Have you ever felt that your heart was physically broken in two? Mine sure did. I was broken, crying out in anguish. My aunt, cousin and I huddled together as I sobbed. I was so thankful that my family had gathered to say our last goodbye. Monday morning, we went to the funeral and yes, again that was rough. Sobbed bitterly. I know that Granny is no longer in pain and strangely, maybe I think maybe, I am at peace about her passing. I miss her but I know that She is worshiping her Savior and that is very important. The speaker asked all her grandchildren to stand up and pointed out that Granny has left a legacy in us, which is so true. While my grief journey is not over, I will slowly heal and maybe think more of granny without tears, like when I write this.